Kamis, 14 Januari 2010

Bungklang Bungkling: JANDA



JANDA

Mengapa jika ada wanita yang menjadi janda langsung dianggap sebagai wanita yang genit dan bisa dipakai.

“Karena kebanyakan janda memang genit dan bisa dipakai,” kata I Wayan Buaya Darat.

“Tidak terhitung jumlah janda yang sudah aku ajak tidur, mulai dari yang kurus tinggi langsing hingga gemuk dan dadanya rata,” tambah Wayan lagi.

Mendengar hal itu wajah Ni Luh Makin Digosok Makin Sip menjadi merah padam. Wayan ini memang tipe lelaki yang suka merendahkan perempuan.

Apalagi wajahnya Wayan memang jelek. Kumisnya tebal tidak karuan. Setiap melihat perempuan pasti dia melirik genit. Dikiranya semua wanita bisa ditundukkan.

“Aku menyesal berhenti belajar ilmu hitam. Kalau aku teruskan tentu sudah bisa meracuni manusia jelek ini,” kata Ni Luh dalam hati.

“Mudah sekali mulutmu bicara, Yan. Sejak kecil aku sudah ditinggal ayahku. Mulai dari aku merasakan air tajin hingga kini bisa merasakan pizza, hanya ibuku yang merawatku. Ibuku memang janda. Berani-beraninya kamu bilang ibuku gatal,” kata I Made Wat Kawat Tulang Besi.
Wayan tidak berani menjawab. Dia masih teringat kejadian tragis enam bulan yang lalu. Saat itu ibunya Made lewat dan para laki-laki berandal yang sedang main kartu Cina di Pos Kamling menggoda Ibunya Made. Tidak sampai lima belas menit, Made datang membawa pentongan. Kelima berandal tersebut dihajar oleh Made, termasuk poskonya juga dihancurkan.

“Kalau belum pernah merasakan bagaimana sakitnya perempuan ditinggal mati oleh suaminya, belum pernah memelihara anak sendirian, sering kena sindiran, jadi jangan pernah mengatakan semua janda pasti genit,” kata Made.

Ni Luh merasa senang dengan bicaranya Made. Langsung saja dia memberikan satu botol tuak gratis. Ni Luh juga memberikan Made sebatang kayu besar. Made menerimanya dengan senyum-senyum. Jantung Wayan berdebar-debar.

“Sebenarnya itu hanya akal laki-laki saja agar jandanya semua disangka genit,” Kata I Ketut Lubak Berbulu Bebek Betutu hendak mendamaikan keadaan.

Tujuannya supaya semua percaya bahwa semua janda genit sehingga para istri, ibu-ibu PKK tidak ada yang berteman dengan jandanya.

“Jika tidak punya teman, tentu mereka tidak ada teman untuk curhat, sehingga para janda itu akan merasa kesepian. Jika kesepian, tentu butuh sahabat. Jika para janda itu perlu sahabat, disanalah kesempatan kita untuk menggaet mereka.

Jika tidak punya teman, sahabat, kemana para janda itu mengadu jika sudah menjadi korban lelaki.

Kalaupun ada tempat mengadu siapa yang akan percaya. Semua sudah percaya kalau janda memang genit.

“Jelas konspirasi ini bagus sekali. Esok lusa kalau aku ketangkap basah selingkuh dengan janda, maka justru aku yang dianggap korban rayuan janda. Dan jandanya lah yang akan disalahkan. Paling-paling aku cuma dimarahi sama istriku.”

Mendengar hal itu Wayan tertawa terkekeh-kekeh. Tapi sehabis itu Made langsung mengamuk. Wayan pun rubuh dipukul kena hantaman kayu yang dibawa Made. Habis Wayan, berikutnya giliran Ketut.

Ni Luh pura-pura tidak melihatnya.


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Janda (Widow)

In Bali, a widow is always considered flirtatious and anyone can have sex with her.
“I believe that most of them are flirtatious and we can have sex with them anytime we want,” says I Wayan Buaya Darat (I Wayan Sex Maniac).
I can’t remember how many widows I have slept with, from the sexy one to the fat one,’ Wayan adds.
Ni Luh Makin Digosok Makin Sip’s face gets red having heard Wayan’s comment. She thinks that Wayan underestimates women.
She realizes from his face that Wayan is a very annoying person. He has a bold moustache and is arrogant. Every time he sees a woman, he tries to flirt with her. He thinks all women are the same.
“I regret I stopped learning black magic: If I hadn’t stopped, I would be able to curse this big mouth man,” Ni Luh thinks.
She imagines Wayan’s moustache disappearing and him becoming impotent because of her curse.
“How dare you talk like that, Wayan. You know, my father died when I was a baby, so my mother has looked after me ever since. She works very hard. You know she is a widow. If you dare to say bad thing about her…..”, I Made Wat Kawat Tulang Besi (I Made Strong Muscles) threatens Wayan.
Wayan cannot say anything. He remembers what happened last month when some men playing Chinese cards seduced Made’s mother when she was passing by in front of the security post. And then how, after a few minutes, Made came with a big wooden stick used to beat the men. They suffered bad injuries and were sent to hospital. Even the security post was a mess.
“If you don’t know nor understand how a wife left by her husband has to raise her children on her own, save your dirty talk,” says Made.
Ni Luh is happy to hear what Made says. She gives him a glass of palm toddy for free. She even hands a piece of wood to him. Made smiles but Wayan gets nervous.
I think that it’s only a man’s opinion that widows are flirtatious, says I Ketut Lubak Berbulu Bebek Betutu who pretends to be a ‘mediator’.
According to him if all people believe that widows are flirtatious, no woman would want to make friends with them, which means that they will have no friends to talk to and feel lonely. This situation will make easier for men to come and approach the widows. So that they can sleep with them then,” Ketut adds.
Even widows have friends to talk to, but nobody really believes them: All believe that they are not good women.
“It’s a good point. Once if I get caught having an affair with a widow, people will blame her, instead of me. Even my wife will beat her. Of course my wife will be mad at me, but it’s not a big deal. She will be able to understand that the widow has seduced me, not the other way round,” Ketut says laughingly.
Wayan also laughs, then suddenly he collapses. Made has beaten him with a piece of wood. After beating Wayan, Made then beats Ketut.
Ni Luh pretends not to see what happens.