Jumat, 14 Mei 2010

Bungklang Bungkling: REMATIK

Diambil dari kolom ‘Bungklang Bungkling’, ‘REMATIK’, di harian Bali Post, Minggu, 9 Mei 2010, oleh I Wayan Juniartha. Diterjemahkan oleh Putu Wiwid Budiastra.

REMATIK
 
Pilkadal (pemilihan kepala kadal) sudah selesai. Yang menang bisa melenggang mulus, yang kalah sudah tersingkir. Warga sekaa tuak sudah dari sore menunggu-nunggu kandidat yang menang. Sepatutnya kalau sudah berhasil menjadi Kepala Kadal, kandidatnya datang memberi ucapan terimakasih. Sepatutnya pada waktu kampanye memberi sepuluh juta, setelah menang wajib memberi duapuluh juta.

Namun, sampai matahari tenggelam tidak ada kandidat yang datang. “Kepala Kadal yang berkumis tidak ada datang, Kepala Kadal yang mulus tanpa kumis pun tidak datang juga. “Asli pertanda buruk ini, pertanda setelah menang akan lupa dengan yang memilih,” begitu kata I Made Golput Bukan Dosa.

Warga sekaa tuak pada tertawa. Memang tidak tahu malu I Made, tidak ikut memilih tapi ingin ikut dapat bagian.

“Namanya Kepala Kadal, kalau sudah menang asli tidak akan ingat teman. Yang diingat hanya bagaimana caranya balik modal. Itu yang menyebabkan masyarakat pintar jika ada kandidat yang minta dukungan maka cepat-cepat meminta uang muka,” I Putu Coblos Kanan Coblos Kiri ikut bicara.

Kepala Kadal tidak ada datang, yang muncul malah I Wayan Sing Maan Apa (I Wayan tidak dapat apa-apa),Guru SD Inpres di sebelah timur lapangan desa. Warga sekaa tuak pada terkejut. Maklum, I Wayan dikenal sebagai sosok yang berkepribadian lurus. Taat beragama juga guru yang bermoral; tidak pernah mampir ke warung tuak (Ia lebih suka dengan coca-cola), tidak pernah main perempuan (takut istri), kalau main ceki (kartu cina) sembunyi-sembunyi.

Baru sampai di warung, tanpa sapaan, tanpa selamat malam, I Wayan langsung mengambil sebotol tuak lalu diteguknya. “Bapak lagi stress,” begitu katanya. Kebiasaan dipanggil Bapak Guru oleh murid-muridnya, I Wayan memakai kata “Bapak”. Sempat dulu kepalanya dipukul sang ayah karena saat menyembah Ida Pedanda (orang suci) juga berkata dirinya “Bapak.”

Warga sekaa tuak cekikikan. Ada yang mengaku stress itu bukan kabar baru. Zaman seperti sekarang siapa yang tidak stres? Mata pencaharian susah, hari raya besar sudah dekat, dompet sudah begitu lama kesepian tidak terisi uang. Rasanya Ida Bhatara pun sudah stress juga, setiap hari diminta ini-itu oleh hamba-Nya. Sembahyang canang dua ratus rupiah, tapi doanya minta agar bisa membeli mobil, asli tidak balik modal Ida Bhatara.
“Pemerintah ada-ada saja. Bapak diharuskan ikut sertifikasi. Katanya kalau lulus sertifikasi akan dapat kenaikan gaji. Mau Bapak pakai apa pula kenaikan gaji itu? Bapak lagi setahun sudah akan pensiun. Mau pakai biaya ngaben?” begitu I Wayan menggerutu.

Warga sekaa tuak pada manggut-manggut. Memang susah kalau sudah bertahun-tahun biasa mengajar anak-anak, lantas harus kembali belajar, susah kalau terbiasa menguji anak-anak sekarang harus kena ujian, susah kalau biasa jadi guru sekarang harus digurui.
“Harus membuat karya tulis pula, jari tangan sudah rematik semua, bagaimana mau mengetik, setiap kali mengetik harus mengerang kesakitan dulu. Sudah berapa tahun Bapak menjadi guru, dikira tidak bisa mengajar murid, sampai harus mencari sertifikasi lagi?”

Warga sekaa tuak manggut-manggut. Tidak ada yang berani menentang I Wayan. Maklum, tidak boleh lancang dengan Guru, apalagi Guru Pengajian (maksudnya guru yang mendapat gaji).

“Seharusnya, tidak hanya guru yang harus ikut sertifikasi. Anggota dewan, Kepala Kadal, pejabat Negara, harusnya semua ikut ujian sertifikasi dulu. Agar tidak menjadi anggota dewan dan Kepala Kadal bermodal uang, bansos, juga otot besar,” begitu kata I Made.

Warga sekaa tuak manggut-manggut lagi. Sudah setengah mabuk semua, sebenarnya sudah tidak ada yang peduli topik yang didiskusikan. Hari raya besar sudah dekat, tidak sempat menghiraukan nasib I Wayan. Semua memikirkan dimana mencari uang untuk Galungan.

“Pak Guru, kalau sertifikat hasil dari serifikasinya bisa dipakai untuk pinjam uang? Kalau bisa, kasih saya pinjam. Mau saya pakai cari uang di LPD untuk beli bahan-bahan banten (persembahan sembahyang),” I Putu membujuk mencari cara untuk dapat uang.

I Wayan terbengong, merasa nasibnya begitu jelek jadi guru. Kalau tahu bakal begini nasibnya, mungkin lebih baik dulu dia pelihara kumis dan latihan senyum supaya bisa menjadi Kepala Kadal.

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Rematik (Rheumatism)


The local election has just finished. The winner is obvious as is the loser. The drinking association members have been waiting for the winner to come to visit them. They remember that the candidates promised them that if they won they would thank the association members. They have been given 10 million Rupiah already, and now they expect double from the winner.

But as the sun sets nobody comes. “The one with moustache hasn’t showed up nor the one with no moustache. It’s a kind of bad sign. They forget their voters once they win,” says I Made Golput Bukan Dosa (I Made Abstaining is not a Sin).

Everyone laughs. They all know that Made didn’t vote for any candidate but now he expects something.

“That’s why we called them ‘Kepala Kadal’ (Leader of Lizards)”, they will forget us if they win. All they have on their mind now is how to get back the money they have spent during their campaign. That’s why we should have asked them for some ‘deposit’ when they had asked us to vote for them,” says I Putu Coblos Kanan Coblos Kiri (I Putu Give Your Votes For All Candidates).

No ‘Kepala Kadal’ shows up. Unexpectedly, it is I Wayan Sing Man Apa (I Wayan Got Nothing), a teacher of elementary school next to the soccer field who does. Everyone is surprised. Everyone knows that Wayan is a very honest teacher. He is very religious and has good manners. He has never been to the palm toddy warung, he just likes Coca Cola. He never has a love affair (he is afraid of his wife), and when wants to play ceki (Chinese cards), he never tells her.

Without greeting them, Wayan grabs a bottle of palm toddy and sips it. “Bapak is stressed,” he says. He always refers himself as ‘Bapak’ (Mister). It might be because his students always call him “Bapak Guru” (Mister Teacher). He likes people to call him ‘Bapak’. Once his father almost hit his head because I Wayan called himself ‘Bapak’ during a discussion with a priest.

Everyone laughs. Hearing somebody say that they are stressed is not a new thing for them, because who isn’t under the current situation. Job opportunities are rare, and big celebrations are about to happen. And they don’t really have money in their wallets. They also think that the gods may ‘get stressed’ too as everyday devotees pray and ‘ask’ for big things. The devotees dedicate ‘canang’ (offerings) which cost only Rp. 200 each but ask for big things, like a new car e.t.c.. How will the gods deal with their requests?

“I really don’t understand what our government wants: do I have to join a ‘certification’. It is said that if I pass the certification, they will increase my salaries. You know the raise makes no different for me, I am about to be retired. Should I use the raise for my cremation ceremony when I die?” asks Wayan.

Everyone nods. It is understood that an old teacher like Wayan is not really interested in continuing his studies when he feels ‘experienced’ enough as a teacher; also it is difficult for him to do a test when he is used to testing students, and as a teacher, he cannot accept being ‘taught’.

“And I have to make a scholarly paper too. I have rheumatism, especially in my hands. How do you expect me to be able to type? My fingers really hurt when I type. Don’t they know that I have been teaching students for years, and now they ask me to join special training (certification) for teachers?”

Everyone nods. No one wants to comment on what Wayan says. It is said ‘never argue with a guru (teacher)’, let alone ‘guru penggajian’ (guru who gets paid (gaji)).

“I suggest that not only teachers should join ‘certification’, but also legislative members, ‘Kepala Kadal’ (mayors) and high ranking officials as well. Most of them obtain their current positions just because they have a lot of money, financial assistance and physical strength, says Made.

Everyone nods. All of them are half-drunk, and they don’t really understand the topic of their discussion. “Galungan and Kuningan” holidays are about to come. Nobody cares about Wayan’s problem anymore. Everyone thinks about getting money to celebrate ‘Galungan’.

“Mr. Teacher, is the teacher certificate to be used as a guarantee to borrow money? If so, I want one. I will bring it with me to the village bank to borrow some money to buy some fruits for (banten) offering.

I Wayan says nothing. He feels that he is a poor guy being a teacher. He thinks that if he had known that he would be like this, he would have grown bold moustache and trained himself to smile, and to be able to be a ‘Kepala Kadal’.