Senin, 07 Juni 2010

Bungklang Bungkling: POCOL

Diambil dari kolom Bungklang Bungkling, ‘POCOL’, di harian Bali Post, Minggu, 6 Juni 2010, oleh I Wayan Juniartha. Diterjemahkan oleh Putu Wiwid Budiastra.

POCOL (RUGI)

Basah kuyup I Made Kumis Jempe (I Made Kumis Tebal) sore itu. Ia mengikuti apel kesiagaan pecalang (penjaga keamanan adat Bali). Masih terselip keris dan HT, Ia pun masuk ke warung tuak.
Warga sekaha tuak pada berhamburan. Mereka kira ada razia minuman keras. Maklum, pecalang banyak kerjaan sampingan sekarang; mulai dari mengurus parkir, jaga sabung ayam, menutup jalan sampai menghadang teroris.
“tenang, tenang, bukan razia. Aku kesini dalam kapasitas sebagai konsumen, bukan kapasitas sebagai penegak hukum yang kurang kerjaan dan perlu setoran,” begitu Ia berkata.
Setelah duduk I Made langsung menyikat tiga brengkes dan segelas tuak jala.
“Mengapa kita suka sekali mengambil pekerjaan yang tidak ada untungnya,” I Made mengeluh.
Warga sekaha tuak pada serius menyimak. Jika ada pecalang yang berkumis jempe (lebat), menyelipkan keris dan menggenggam tuak bercerita, memang harus disimak dengan serius. Jika tidak, bisa kerasukan tuak pecalang itu lantas kesana kemari menudingkan keris.
I Made rugi gara-gara Obama katanya. Ketika ada kabar tentang kedatangan Presiden Amerika ke Bali, semua pada sibuk menyiapkan pengamanan. Polisi, tentara, hansip, satpam semua diperintahkan bersiaga.
“Pengamanannya lebih heboh dari Presiden kita sendiri. Rasanya, Ida Bhatara Besakih turun pun tidak seperti ini sibuk persiapannya.”
Sekian banyak kapal perang dan jet-jet tempur dipersiapkan untuk pengamanan Pulau Bali.
“Seolah akan ada yang memukul kepala Obama saat Ia datang nanti. Seolah ada teroris yang mau menembaknya.”
Jangankan mau menembak dan memukuli kepala Obama, mau melihat tampangnya saja tidak akan bisa. Kalau Presiden Amerika datang, daerah lima kilometer dari tempat Ia kencing dan buang air besar pun pasti disterilkan. Jangankan teroris, dagang bakso pun tidak akan bisa memperlihatkan batang hidungnya. Jangankan teroris membawa bom, tentara kita sendiri saja tidak diperkenankan masuk oleh pengawalnya yang siang-malam berkacamata hitam bak tukang pijat tuna netra.
“Karena terlalu sibuknya mengurus kedatangan Presiden Amerika, terlalu sibuk mengharapkan uang dolar, terlalu sibuk menunjukkan citra pariwisata, pekerjaan yang sepatutnya kita kerjakan pun terabaikan.”
Rabies masih merajalela, demam berdarah pun masih dimana-mana, turis semakin banyak jalan semakin macet, Pilkadal berantakan, truna-truni jatuh sakit karena minum arak yang bercampur methanol.
“Dikira kalau sudah Presiden Amerika datang kesini, senyum-senyum di Uluwatu, bercanda dengan para monyet di Monkey Forest, lantas semua masalah akan terselesaikan?” I Made mulai berang.
Apalagi banyak pejabat Bali yang merasa kunjungan Obama ini menunjukkan bahwa Amerika yang sangat menyanjung dan menghargai Bali.
“Lalu kalau sampai yang kedua kali ini Obama menunda kunjungan lantas apa artinya? Bukankah itu berarti Amerika menganggap Bali tidak penting?”
Manggut-manggut semua warga sekaha tuak. Memang kuat sekali mental warga kita, mental inlander jika kompeni dulu menyebutnya. Kalau turis dengan sigap dipanggil “Tuan” atau “Mister”. Kalau orang barat bicara dengan cepatnya dihargai, semua dianggap benar. Kalau orang asing yang memuji, semua pada besar kepala, berbunga-bunga.
Kalau orang kita sendiri yang melakukan pekerjaan, hasilnya langsung diremehkan, disalahkan. Jika orang kita sendiri yang berbicara, langsung bersikap skeptis, bila perlu langsung diracun dan diguna-guna.
“Inilah mentalitas bobrok, menusuk diri sendiri, persilakan turis untuk menonton, biro perjalanan yang mendapat uang, inilah mentalitas yang merugikan.”

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POCOL (WORTHLESS)
I Made Kumis Jempé (I Made Bold Moustache, is just back from a temple vigilante’s meeting and he is wet). With his dagger and walkie-talky still with him, he enters the palm toddy warung.
Everyone in the warung is surprised. They think it’s a raid on alcoholic drinks. They note that pecalang (Balinese traditional vigilante) have side jobs other than being responsible for traditional security: they watch parking, guard the cock-fighting, block the roads during a ceremony and even watch terrorist.
“Take it easy! No raid at all: I come here as a customer. I’m not here in my ceremony capacity as enforcement officer who often does irrelevant jobs nor ‘raids’ for ‘financial purposes” he says.
Just as he sits he grabs three ‘brengkes’ (steamed pork wrapped with banana leaf) and a glass of palm toddy.
“We (Balinese) are silly people. We often do worthless things,” I Made starts his comments.
Everyone listens to I Made very seriously. It is said that when we talk to a pecalang with wild moustache carrying a dagger we should listen seriously. If we don’t, he might ‘go into trance’ and point his kris upward.
I Made says that he is disappointed in Obama. Many parties aie very busy dealing with security issues as Obama plans to visit Bali. The police, army and civilian defence units are ordered to be prepared.
“It takes a lot more security forces compared to what we do for our own president. Its even more complicated than preparing security for the gods of Besakih when they ‘tedun’ (come down to the earth to visit their followers during a festival at the temple).”
There are countless military ships around Bali, not to mention military spacecrafts.
“They might be suspicious that someone may hit Obama’s head when he comes to Bali, or a terrorist may shoot him.”
As a matter of fact, how is someone able to hit his head in spite of strict security provided for him, because to be able to see his face is not possible. When he comes, 5 kilometre distance will be cleared from wherever his position is. In addition, how can a terrorist possibly approach him when even a bakso (meatball) vendor can’t pass by. Our army will not be allowed by his bodyguards to guard him. His bodyguards wear sunglasses day and night like blind masseurs.
“We are so busy to deal with guarding President Obama, waiting for lots of dollars, and so busy promoting Balinese tourism image, that we have forgetted our main responsibilities.”
Bali still has to deal with problems such as rabies, dengue, traffic jams (as more tourists are coming), riotous ‘pilkadal’ (local elections), and death among Balinese due to rice wine mixed with methanol.
“They think that when President Obama comes to Bali, visits Uluwatu and plays with the monkeys at the Monkey Forest, all problems will disappear,” says Made angrily.
Many Balinese officials think that Obama’s visit indicates that the USA’s appreciaties Bali.
‘How might they think the USA appreciates Bali when Obama cancels his visit twice?
Everyone nods. This situation indicates that inlander (native) mentality as described by the Dutch in the old times is still very strong: we call the tourists “Tuan” or “Mister”. When westerners speak, we listen very carefully and think all that they say is correct. Also, when westerners compliment Bali, we are very very happy.
It would be very different if it’s our own people. Everyone will directly blame whatever our own people do or say. If necessary, we will kill them with poison or make black magic.
“It’s not really a good mentality. It’s like when you hurt yourself and let the tourists enjoy watching you, and it’s the travel agents that get benefit from the situation. It’s like you do the job but other people get the benefit.”