Kamis, 21 Oktober 2010

Bungklang Bungkling; YEH oleh Wayan Juniartha.

Diambil dari kolom ‘Bungklang Bungkling’, 'Yeh', di harian Bali Post, Minggu, 17 Oktober 2010, oleh I Wayan Juniartha. Diterjemahkan oleh Putu Semiada.



YEH
I Made mabuk lagi memiliki teori mengapa warung tuak semakin ramai saja.
"Itu bukan karena tuak dan araknya yang makin bagus kualitasnya, makin enak rasanya, bukan karena harganya yang semakin murah. Bukan pula karena anak anak muda makin banyak yang frustasi dan mencari pelampiasan ke alkohol."
Anak-anak muda yang frustasi tentu larinya bukan ke warung tuak tetapi malah ke kafe remang-remang. yang dicari juga bukan tuak, melainkan bir cap ayam kampung, sambil minum mereka beercumbu dengan ayam kampung yang biasanya berasal dari Jember dan Banyuwangi.
"Yang menyebabkan warung tuaknya makin laris karena air semakin mahal, kata I Made.
Mereka semua tertawa. Mereka semua melihat I Made tadi terhuyung-huyung membawa dua galon air.
"Siapa menyangka kita akan membeli air, siapa sangka kita akan bisa menjual air," I Made ngomel.
Dahulu jika kita menginginkan air, kita tinggal ambil ambil kendi saja terus menuju sungai dan mengambil air. Jika tidak, kita bisa mendapatkan air di sumur. Tinggal menimba 3 empat kali maka kendinya sudah penuh.
"Sekarang, tukadnya kebanyakan isinya sampah, warnanya pekat karena polusi, kotoran, tinta sampai cat. Sumur-sumur juga sudah mulai kering, kalaupun tidak kering, rasanya seperti air laut," I Wayan Bedak Layah ikut nimbrung.
Yang mempunyai uang lebih, bisa berlangganan air PAM. Tapi air PAM pun sekarang keluarnya tidak lancar.
"Akhirnya mereka berlangganan air galon, jadi makin banyak uang yang mesti keluar."
Itulah ciri jaman modern, segala sesuatunya harus bayar, apa-apa keluar uang.
"Jika tidak kuat bayar aqua galon, bisa berlangganan air isi ulang, jauh lebih murah," kata I Ketut Wiraniaga.
Mereka cuma tertawa saja. Mereka tahu kalau I Ketut sangat pintar menangkap peluang bisnis. Jika ada peluang, maka I Ketut langsung menyambarnya.
I Made hanya menggeleng-geleng kepala saja. Dia yang sudah biasa minum aqua, air yang katanya berasal dari mata air paling jernih, dengan proses penyaringan hingga 21 kali hingga segala macam bakteri dan lumutnya mati. Jadi dia agak marah juga kalau mesti disuruh minum air yang lain.
"Dimana sumber air isi ulang itu di dapat? Berapa kali proses penyaringannya? Apakah sudah mengandung vitamin dan mineral? Jangan-janagan aku bisa sakit perutku nantinya sehabis minum air tersebut, begitu katanya.
I Ketut langsung mendelik. Maklumlah, sebagai salesman sejati, dia tidak terima jika ada yang menjelekkan produknya. Jika ada yang mengejek wajahnya yang jelek, dia tidak masalah. Jika ada yang mengatakan istrinya gemuk sekali, dia juga tidak masalah. Namun jika ada yang mengejek barangnya, maka matanya langsung mendelik.
"Jangan sembarangan kamu bicara, De. Air isi ulang ini sudah terdaftar di Depkes dan badan POM dan sudah melalui proses penyaringan skala dan niskala - sebelum mengambil air sudah minta ijin dulu, tangki-tangkinya juga sudah diplaspas (diupacarai), karyawan-karyawan juga sudah sembahyang Tri Sandhya sebelum mulai bekerja. Jadi jangankan bakteri, virus maupun racun, leak (ilmu hitampun) pun akan musnah karena proses penyaringan skala niskala itu.
Mereka tertawa semakin keras. Inilah yang namanya diskusi antara orang yang bodoh dengan orang yang keras kepala. Keduanya tidak tahu permasalahan, mereka hanya termakan promosi perusahaan air, tapi keduanya saling bersekukuh menganggap diri paling tahu segalanya.
"Pernah melihat proses mereka bikin air itu? Apa memang benar sudah melalui proses penyaringan 21 kali? Apakah memang benar proses skala niskala tersebut? Jika kamu tidak tahu apa-apa lebih baik diam. Di negara yang bernama Indonesia ini, barang yang terdaftar di Depkes maupun POM belum tentu jelas kualitasnya. Lihat saja mie instan produksi Indonesia kena razia di Taiwan karena kandungan pengawetnya," papar I Wayan.
Semuanya terkejut. Mie sudah menjadi makanan pokok bagi mereka semua. Pagi mie kuah, siangnya mie goreng, malamnya mie telur.
"Kalau sudah begini yang mana sebenarnya yang terjamin keamanannya? AIr isi ulang meragukan, mie instan berbahaya?," I Made berguman.
Memang lebih baik minum tuak. Meskipun tidak melalui proses penyaringan sebanyak 21 kali ataupu disaring skala-niskala, tuak sudah jelas-jelas jaminannya; jika terlalu banyak minum dijamin 100 persen mabuk.

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Yeh (Water)
I Made Mabuk Lagi (I Made Always Get Drunk) has his own opinion why the palm toddy has been selling well recently.
“I don’t think it is because the quality of the palm toddy is getting better nor because it tastes better nor because it is getting cheaper either, nor because of more and more teenagers getting frustrated and becoming alcohol addicted.”
“The frustrated teenagers do not go to palm toddy warungs, instead they go to ‘red light’ cafes. They don’t drink palm toddy, they drink beer. They drink beer at cafes and do heavy-petting with the waitresses, who usually come from Jember and Banyuwangi.”
“The reason why palm toddy is selling well recently is that bottled water is getting more and more expensive,” says I Made.
Everyone laughs. They all saw I Madé staggering as he carried two gallons of water this morning.
“We’ve never thought water would become commercial,” adds I Madé.
In old times, if we wanted get some water, we just brought buckets to the river and took it. Otherwise, we took water from the well and filled our buckets.
“But today, our rivers are full of rubbish, mud and pollution. Our wells are also out of water. Sometime it tastes like sea water as well,” comments I Wayan Bedak Layah (I Wayan Thirsty and Hungry).
For people who have more money, they can have city water service but even city water often doesn’t come out fresh.
Many people then tend to buy bottled water, which means they have to spend money.”
“That’s sort of modern life: Whatever you do or want, you have to pay: Money is everything.”
“If you can’t afford for bottled water, you can have the refilled one, it’s much more less expensive,” says I Ketut Wiraniaga (I Ketut Salesman).
Everyone laughs. They know that I Ketut is smart when talking about business. When there is a business opportunity, he will take advantage.
It seems that Madé doesn’t agree. He drinks ‘Aqua’ which he thinks is the best bottled water from a spring because it has 21 distillation processes and it doesn’t contain any bacteria at all. That’s why he feels insulted when he is asked to drink water other than ‘Aqua’ brand.
“Where do you get water for the refill one from? How many times is it distilled? Does it contain minerals and vitamins. I’m afraid that after I drink the water I will have stomach-ache,” says he.
I Ketut gets upset. As an experienced salesman, he can not accept if someone says something bad about his product. For him, if one says something bad about his ugly face, or about his fat wife, he still can accept that.
“Watch your mouth, . My refilled water product has been registered at Department of Health and it goes through distillation processes. Before taking the water, we also do a ceremony to ask permission to the unseen powers. Our truck also is blessed with a ceremony, our staff also pray and are blessed with holy water before starting work. That’s why I guarantee that no virus, bacteria or black magic is found in my refilled water product,” says he angrily.
Everyone laughs as they note that the discussion is between a stupid person and a stubborn person. Both of them do not know what the real problem is. They both seem overwhelmed by the advertisements of the water companies and insist that they know much.
“Have you seen how the water is produced? Are you sure it is distilled 21 times? Have you seen if it is blessed with unseen powers? You’d better shut up if you don’t know anything. You know, in Indonesia, even registered products at the Department of Health are not guaranteed to be good quality. Have you heard about Indo Mie banned in Taiwan as it is suspected to contain preservative agent,” says I Wayan.
Everyone is surprised. Mie (noodle) has been a popular food among them. They have noodles for breakfast, lunch, and even dinner.
“Well, under this circumstance, what food is safe to consume? Neither refilled water or Indo Mie is safe,” says I Madé.
So it is much better to drink palm toddy. Even though it is not distilled 21 times, the result is obvious when you drink too much: You get drunk.