Senin, 24 Januari 2011

Bungklang Bungkling: Global Warming oleh Wayan Juniartha

Diambil dari kolom ‘Bungklang Bungkling’, ‘Global Warming’, di harian Bali Post, Minggu, 16 Januari 2011, oleh I Wayan Juniartha. Diterjemahkan oleh Putu Semiada

Global Warming
Akibat terjadinya global warming, maka diramalkan pulau-pulau kecil akan tenggelam, termasuk Bali.
“Ini sudah pasti, ini sebuah kebenaran ilmiah, dan tidak bisa dihindari, meskipun berbagai upacara (karya) diadakan, mulai dari mulang pekelem hingga wana krtih, tidak mampu mencegahnya,” kata I Made Ateis Matan Pipis.
Rasanya rugi juga mengadakan upacara di Bali, karena yang menyebabkan air laut naik dan menenggelamkan pulau-pulau kecil karena mencairnya es di kutub utara. Masalahnya wewenang betara di Bali tidak sampai ke kutub utara.
Kalaupun dewa-dewa di Bali hendak ke sana, jelas tidak bisa karena beliau tidak memiliki paspor. Kalaupun hendak membuat paspor, beliau tidak memiliki persyaratannnya, beliau tidak memiliki wig, kacamata maupun uang satu milyar.
“Sekarang bagaimana caranya agar Bali tidak tenggelam meskipun terkena global warming,” tambah I Made.
Krama sekaa tuak yang lain pura-pura tidak mendengar. Hidup ini sudah susah, tidak perlu lagi ditambah cerita tentang global warming. Biarkan saja I Made memikirkan tentang dunia ini. Kita sudah punya Tuhan (WIdi), biarkan saja Tuhan yang pusing mengurus bumi ini, begitulah pikiran krama sekaa tuak yang lain.
“Langkah pertama, pantai-pantai di Bali harus segera dikelilingi dengan hotel-hotel yang tinggi. Undang investor supaya membangun hotel sebanyak-banyaknya,: kata I Made.
Katanya pohon bakau bisa dipakai untuk menghalangi tsunami. Namun jaman sekarang dimana bisa menemukan bakau lagi? Banyak orang yang menanam bakau tetapi sedikit yang mau memelihara. Disamping itu, lebih gampang memelihara hotel dibandingkan tembakau.
“Oleh karena itu aku mendukung para bupati yang ingin merevisi RTRW (Rancangan Tata Ruang dan Wilayah Bali supaya bisa para bupatinya mengundang investor untuk membuat hotel di pinggir pantai, tepi jurang dan bila perlu diatas pura. Apa gunanya pura suci, jurang dan pantai lestari, tapi kantong kosong?”
Jika pantai-pantai di Bali sudah dikelilingi hotel-hotel tinggi, maka tsunami tidak akan sampai masuk ke dalam.
Langkah yang kedua adalah, tanam pohon sebanyak-banyaknya. Setiap ada tanah kosong, ditanami pohon saja, halaman belakang rumah, halaman tengah rumah, trotoar, halaman pura, bale banjar (tempat pertemuan warga), arena sabungan ayam, lapangan golf maupun lapangan sepakbola. Toh tidak akan pernah menjadi juara dunia.”
Semakin banyak tanamannya, maka akan semakin banyak oksigen di langit. Semakin banyak hutan, maka semakin sedikit gas-gas yang menyebabkan global warming.
“Langkah ketiga, seluruh sumber gas yang menyebabkan global warming harus ditutup. Jangan lagi mengendarai motor maupun mobil. Semuanya mesti mengendari sepeda gayung maupun jalan kaki. Kurangi pemakaian minyak, gas maupun kayu bakar. Usahakan masak setiap 3 hari sekali. Pakailah air sesedikit mungkin. Mandi cukup seminggu sekali. Juga, jangan terlalu banyak bicara, apalagi mulut bau maupun jamuran, maupun janji palsu yang bisa memperparah global warming.”
Semua terbengong-bengong mendengar ceramahnya I Made.
“Kamu mau menanam pohon di arena sabungan ayam? Tidak boleh naik motor? Tidak boleh ke sana kemari membawa mobil? Jika tidak boleh naik motor, lalu aku mesti pakai apa kalau mau kencan? Jika tidak boleh membawa mobil, lalu aku mesti pakai apa untuk mengangkut cewek-cewek yang berseliweran di jalan,” meerka bertanya.
Memang susah memberi nasehat kepada orang Bali untuk mengendalikan diri. Mereka sudah terbiasa hidup enak, sudah biasa ada orang yang membikinkan kopi, membawakan nasi, wilayah sudah ada yang mengurus. Sepertinya kalau besok-besok terjadi tsunami, pulau Bali tenggelam, tentu masih juga ada yang menolong. 
 

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Global Warming
It has been said that due to Global Warming, small islands, including Bali, will sink.
“It has been confirmed scientifically and it is undeniable; in spite of ceremonies the Balinese carry out, from mulang pekelem to wana krtih, it can not be stopped,” says I Made Ateis Matan Pipis (I Made Atheist but Money-Oriented).
“It is useless, I think, for the Balinese to carry out all these ceremonies as it is due to the ice in the North Pole which has been melted. Unfortunately, our Balinese gods have no authority there.”
If our Balinese gods would like to go there, they will find it difficult as they have no ‘passport’. And it is not possible for them to make, as they have no the requirements; no wig, nor glasses nor money.
“So how to prevent Bali from sinking due to global warming,” adds I Made.
They pretend not to listen. They think life is already difficult, so they don’t want to listen about global warming. They just let Made talk about that. And just let the gods decide what will happen.
“The first thing you have to do is to build huge hotels as many as possible along the Bali coast. Invite investors to build hotels as many as possible,” says I Made.
It was said that mangroves can protect the coast from tsunami. But mangroves are getting less and less. A lot of mangroves have been grown but the problem is that not many people look after them.
That’s why I support the mayors who want to revise the ‘Rancangan Tata Ruang dan Wilayah’ (Regulations on Space Planning and Region) for Bali so that they can invite investors to build hotels along the coasts, by the river banks and close to temples as well. Why have sacred temples, gorges, and beaches but no money in your pockets.
“If Bali is full of hotels along its coast, tsunami will not be able to reach inland.”
“Secondly, plant trees as many as possible. Once you see vacant land, just plant trees on it. If necessary, plant trees at your house front, back and middle yard, temple courtyards, meeting halls, curbs, cockfight arenas, golf course and even football courts, as I am sure we will never become a world champion.
The more you plant trees, the more oxygen you can have. The more forest you have, the more carbon dioxide that causes global warming that can be absorbed.
Thirdly, all the gas resources which cause global warming must be closed. Stop using motor bikes and cars. Everyone must ride bicycle or walk. Use less oil, gas and wood. Try to cook every 3 days. Use less and less water and take a bath once a week. Speak less, so there will be no useless promises or bullshit that worsen the situation.
“Everyone is quiet.
“What did you say? You want to plant trees on cock-fight arenas? No motor bikes and cars to drive around? What am I supposed to use to drive my girlfriend? What should I use to drive the girly bars on the streets?” They ask.
Actually, it is hard to ask the Balinese to control their desires: They are used to living easy life. Whatever they want – coffee, rice – they always have somebody to serve it, and the rest of the business is handled by the local leaders. When tsunami comes one day, they may think that they will get help.